Thursday, August 27, 2009

Drowning in disappointment (glug glug)

I don't think we're getting into the September group. The other families have already confirmed their appointments and booked their flights. And here it is Thursday already and my phone ain't exactly ringing off the hook.

I can't imagine dragging my poor psyche through another month of this waiting misery. I'm not a lot of fun right now, and I have no plans to stop moping, fretting, snapping, and being generally ornery and intolerable until I get that damn phone call.

I want my son. I have no other children in the meantime to do the parenthood thing with. The prospect of parenthood has been stringing me along for years now, years and years and years, and I do not wish to wait another month.

I have no interest in anything else. I don't want to talk about the house construction, and have people tell me that maybe there's something wrong with my builder if he can't get it done any faster. You know what? That's nobody's business. How would they like it if they fell behind schedule on something, and a bunch of complete strangers called into question their personal and professional worth? The details of the construction project are mine to deal with.

I already told him I want him to finish before the baby gets home. This doesn't mean I'm willing to wait longer for the baby. It means I'm sick of everything falling behind schedule, and I feel the need to stand up and shout, "ENOUGH ALREADY! GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR!"

Unfortunately, I'm not much of a shouter. I'm more of a sulker and a maker of snarky comments.

Get moving, or there will be snark.

And no, I don't have any huge plans for when I have my baby. Having my baby is pretty much it. What happens when he comes home, will happen, and I'll deal with it then.

I just don't understand why I haven't gotten that phone call. It seems wrong. Have I not been enough of a squeaky wheel? Does harassing my adoption agent have any effect at all? Did China lose all my paperwork and forget I exist? Did they look at it and say, "This one's ready to go, but we're going to randomly set it aside for no reason at all"?

I've been patient. I've been reasonable. But getting strung along while my group - what was supposed to be my group - is getting ready to travel... that's a powerful blow. Even patient, reasonable people double up in pain when they've been hit this hard.

And I know I'm not the only one - Steve and Kate missed being in this group because of paperwork problems. But at least they know what their delay was. Mine is completely inexplicable.


  1. I'm so sorry. I truly am. We were left behind our group and waited an unexplainable 5 months for our LOSC while others waited only 3 months. And no one ever gave us any answers as to why. Our paperwork was supposedly "perfect". Perfectly waiting on someone's desk I suppose. There usually is no ryhme or reason to the dossier shuffle. It was devastating for me as I know it must be for you. Sending cyber hugs from the Northeast:)

  2. I am sooo sorry. I wish I had some really great words to make you feel better but I know I do not. So sorry...