Platitudes

I have a confession. I don't really like platitudes. If someone wishes to reassure me, I'm wide open to what they have to say as long as it's directly and tangibly helpful. Like, "Don't worry, I'll mail it today." Or "Don't worry, I've worked with these people before and they're reliable."

Unfortunately, too many people say "Don't worry; relax; everything is going to be all right," as an involuntary reaction. Kind of like "Um" or "You know," but with the more pointed purpose of trying to convince me that I'm showing too much emotion and need to stop.

My personal agent is the worst. Every 5 minutes, and she says it with this dramatic sigh. "Don't worry!" sigh. "Relax." sigh.

But she's a very good agent. She gets things done. So I put up with it.

Today her assistant did it, and afterwards we had a very strange and pointless conversation about the phenomenon. And in conclusion, she promised that my agent would call me back in a few moments - "Don't worry."

"You don't worry!" I countered.

"It's my job!" she replied.

"It's my life!" I replied back.

I swear, and you can hold me to it, that if people continue to shower me with useless platitudes, I'm going to assert my right to worry. THEN they'll be sorry.

EDIT: This entry is very tongue-in-cheek. I had forgotten that humor doesn't translate well over the internet. It's supposed to make you laugh. I mean, if you look at it closely, you'll realize that I don't actually threaten to do anything horrible.