So far so good! It's 3:00 AM and we've had three walks in the stroller, two sit-down meals, two internet sessions, and now he's just starting his second nap for the night.
Tomorrow I'm taking him to the mall, or maybe downtown Hyannis or Falmouth where all the tourist shops are, so that he will not sleep the day away.
He's still whimpering in his crib. Hopefully he'll settle down. I'm taking this time to prep some of his medical supplies and fold laundry. Mama's got a house to maintain, kiddo.
I've been half-jokingly saying I have post-partum depression. I'm also occasionally having doubts. I suppose it's common for new parents to have doubts.There may be those individuals whose calling for parenthood is so strong that they're still consumed by the joy of it after the sleep dep has worn them down, after countless episodes of the baby crying for no apparent reason. My convictions are not so strong. They allow me to feel periodic doubt. Maybe I wasn't cut out for parenthood. Maybe I don't have enough patience or energy. Maybe I'm prone to neglectful habits, like putting him in his crib at 3:00 AM when I know he's not the least bit tired. He's not doing anything horrible, not rejecting me or starving himself or throwing things at the cats. He just cries frequently, sometimes over nothing I can identify. He just isn't that attached to me yet. Love has conquered greater challenges than this. Yet all I want is for him to be quiet, stop crying so much, be more communicative about what's bothering him, stay on my lap for more than 5 minutes or at least be happier elsewhere if he really must get off me.
I wonder if I'm just better suited for cats.
Speaking of cats, what a huge comfort my cats have been. It's strange to say that my cats are helping me cope with the baby. But I already have relationships with my cats. The hard parts with them ended years ago.
And it's really very simple. I touch the baby, he cries. I touch the cats, they purr.
The baby doesn't know where he wants to be, but after 5 or 10 minutes, he's certain he wants to be somewhere else. The cats jump up on my lap and are genuinely, silently happy to be there.
There's probably nothing very profound going on here, though. I just need to establish the basics. AwesomeCloud needs to grow comfortably familiar with his new surroundings. I have to learn what calms him and become proficient at doing those things. We need a regular routine and I need to know he can sleep through the night so that I may sleep through the night, too.
Someday the renovations will be done and that will make me happier, too.