Sunday, February 15, 2009

Acceptance into the HAS program

Yesterday a packet came in the mail. I seem to have initially thought it was more important than it was. It was just a document officially accepting us into our agency's China adoption program.

I've been waiting to hear about the fingerprints, and likewise our dossier, and I guess I was expecting something dramatic.

This packet also came with a checklist of items we've completed already. With the transition into Hague standards, it has become common for the steps to be completed out of order. So, even though acceptance into China adoption sounds like a milestone, for us it's been more like a stretch of gravel. (Ack! Weird metaphors!)

It is not, as I'd first assumed, acceptance by China. Our dossier has to get there, and then be translated and looked at, before that can occur.

I guess I was just looking for an excuse to be happy again. I must admit that I've been on a downswing. Oddly, getting matched with Yun Gui has made me feel a little bit alienated from the other families. there's such a feeling of camaraderie among families who get matched at the same time, and nobody has gotten matched alongside us. In fact several families have expressed impatience. They've been waiting longer than we have, but they have more specific requirements in what child they'll accept. The agent has told us all up front that we'll get matched quicker if we want a boy. I took that to heart. The biggest reason why we wanted a girl was that we have six nephews and no nieces, and the kids' grandparents might have gotten their first granddaughter if we'd gone for a girl.

But, we decided, who cares? That doesn't matter as much. Besides, Yun Gui will have lots and lots of older male cousins to emulate. He'll have more role models than he knows what to do with.

I think it's important for young children to have older children in their lives to influence them. We adults can't teach them everything. Maybe I only think this because I was an oldest child, and an oldest grandchild, and I feel that I lost direction somewhere around age 10. I want something better for Yun Gui.

Aspirations of camaraderie have never worked out for me; and that's all right. If we end up going to China without any other families, we'll find a way to enjoy ourselves. We've always been starkly independent as a couple, and as individuals too.

It's just kind of a human desire to be one of the crowd, and even though I'm lousy at conforming, I wish for inclusion sometimes too.

And I'll admit one more thing - I'm being very prudent about discussing Yun Gui's special need. This is our own private battle and there's no need to involve hordes of other people. He needs a somewhat simple, if unpleasant, surgery and then he'll be fine. However, I'd be totally lying if I said this doesn't scare the daylights out of me. I do have some valuable resources to help guide me through the medical system and inform me of my options, and I'm deeply grateful for their assistance. Without it, I'd be stumbling into a dark cave of unfamiliar terms and uncomprehended processes. I really... yeah... doctors and I.... ack.

But I'll do it for Yun Gui. Fear won't slow me down. It may alienate me even further from the rest of the world, but it can't stop me from plunging in and getting Yun Gui the very best treatment I can manage to get him. He's worth it. This is the price I pay, but I gladly pay it; I've fallen so deeply in love with him already.


  1. Silva--- It sounds like we are at a similiar place with Homeland-- We are I171H approved so do not require I800 clearence our letter of intent has been sent to China and we are completing the missing steps of our dossier. Our son is at Wuxi and we are hoping to travel to get him by late summer. Maybe we will be traveling buddies. Our blog is

  2. Hi Kate,

    I have your blog bookmarked and I've read your most recent entries. Sorry I haven't said hi yet - hi! I didn't realize you and I might be synchronized. That would be great! I would like to travel with other families; it just seems like the extra support would be welcome on all ends.

    It's that whole thing about having to do the adoption process in different orders, I guess.

    We both have boys, too! Very cool!