Oh, but he's an angel now. We took a stroll to see the horses and I counted to 100 twice in Chinese for him. He enjoyed his breakfast and didn't even panic when I ate in front of him.
Oops. Now I have to work, and he's having a meltdown just in time. Sorry kiddo, but you're safe in the crib and Mama has some money to earn. I'd been planning to sit him next to the computer in the stroller and occasionally hand toys to him, but he very loudly wanted OUT. So, to the crib he goes.
He's crying, but he'll probably fall asleep soon. Lord knows he didn't sleep last night, even after we tried all day to wear him out. He tried to pull another all-nighter, but neither one of his parents were willing to stay up with him. Daddy had to work today, and could've used the sleep. I fell asleep early, but was so groggy when I woke up at midnight that I could neither fall asleep again nor do anything useful.
Today's mission, again, is to keep him awake all day. I have failed again - he's sound asleep, and I'm stuck working.
He's got to get over his jet lag sometime, right? It seems like the harder I try, the more he slides backwards. Everything has backfired.
I'll post some pics of him later, after I've found the flash drive.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The resemblance is uncanny
We took AwesomeCloud out today. Being pushed in the stroller is still his very favorite activity. He's happy doing it for hours rather than minutes.
Passers-by don't know he's Asian. It's the strangest thing. I think, though, that it's because he somewhat resembles my husband, rather than that he doesn't look Asian. He has big, round, brown eyes like my husband. He has very little hair, but when he does get hair it will be silky and black like his dad's. His complexion is very fair, certainly well within the realm of the complexion of a white person with dark hair.
The manager at Friendly's was surprised to learn he was adopted. We explained to her that his screaming was due to confusion about how restaurants worked - he got upset because he didn't receive food the minute we sat down. Her conclusion was that we were a foreign family. (With perfect New England accents! Oh well.)
We were actually pretty amused by his behavior in Friendly's. The waitresses all gathered around with suggestions and concern, and crayons, and packets of jelly. We told them AwesomeCloud was new to this whole restaurant thing, new to the whole country even, and that he would cry until his potatoes arrived. But we didn't want his potatoes to be delivered early, because then the poor kid would have to watch us eat when he was done, and that's never any fun! Who likes to sit and do nothing in a restaurant? Not I. Not him, either.
He cried when he was done, too, as usual. An empty bowl, no matter how big, is a tragedy. But he stopped as soon as I carried him away from the table. Out of sight, out of mind; and besides, his tummy was full. He ate a lot of mashed potatoes. Plenty of carbs, just as Dr. Gong the Nanjing pediatrician ordered.
We strolled around in Chatham afterwards, and saw some harbor seals. When we got home, I put him for a nap, but he had trouble falling asleep... maybe because the contractor is here, nailing my bamboo floor down with a fancy nailgun that makes house-shaking bursts of noise with every blow. I'm shocked that AwesomeCloud ever fell asleep at all. I hope he's not just lying there in silent terror. He looks genuinely asleep.
I should nap too, but... um... nailgun.
Passers-by don't know he's Asian. It's the strangest thing. I think, though, that it's because he somewhat resembles my husband, rather than that he doesn't look Asian. He has big, round, brown eyes like my husband. He has very little hair, but when he does get hair it will be silky and black like his dad's. His complexion is very fair, certainly well within the realm of the complexion of a white person with dark hair.
The manager at Friendly's was surprised to learn he was adopted. We explained to her that his screaming was due to confusion about how restaurants worked - he got upset because he didn't receive food the minute we sat down. Her conclusion was that we were a foreign family. (With perfect New England accents! Oh well.)
We were actually pretty amused by his behavior in Friendly's. The waitresses all gathered around with suggestions and concern, and crayons, and packets of jelly. We told them AwesomeCloud was new to this whole restaurant thing, new to the whole country even, and that he would cry until his potatoes arrived. But we didn't want his potatoes to be delivered early, because then the poor kid would have to watch us eat when he was done, and that's never any fun! Who likes to sit and do nothing in a restaurant? Not I. Not him, either.
He cried when he was done, too, as usual. An empty bowl, no matter how big, is a tragedy. But he stopped as soon as I carried him away from the table. Out of sight, out of mind; and besides, his tummy was full. He ate a lot of mashed potatoes. Plenty of carbs, just as Dr. Gong the Nanjing pediatrician ordered.
We strolled around in Chatham afterwards, and saw some harbor seals. When we got home, I put him for a nap, but he had trouble falling asleep... maybe because the contractor is here, nailing my bamboo floor down with a fancy nailgun that makes house-shaking bursts of noise with every blow. I'm shocked that AwesomeCloud ever fell asleep at all. I hope he's not just lying there in silent terror. He looks genuinely asleep.
I should nap too, but... um... nailgun.
The long night of babytending
So far so good! It's 3:00 AM and we've had three walks in the stroller, two sit-down meals, two internet sessions, and now he's just starting his second nap for the night.
Tomorrow I'm taking him to the mall, or maybe downtown Hyannis or Falmouth where all the tourist shops are, so that he will not sleep the day away.
He's still whimpering in his crib. Hopefully he'll settle down. I'm taking this time to prep some of his medical supplies and fold laundry. Mama's got a house to maintain, kiddo.
I've been half-jokingly saying I have post-partum depression. I'm also occasionally having doubts. I suppose it's common for new parents to have doubts.There may be those individuals whose calling for parenthood is so strong that they're still consumed by the joy of it after the sleep dep has worn them down, after countless episodes of the baby crying for no apparent reason. My convictions are not so strong. They allow me to feel periodic doubt. Maybe I wasn't cut out for parenthood. Maybe I don't have enough patience or energy. Maybe I'm prone to neglectful habits, like putting him in his crib at 3:00 AM when I know he's not the least bit tired. He's not doing anything horrible, not rejecting me or starving himself or throwing things at the cats. He just cries frequently, sometimes over nothing I can identify. He just isn't that attached to me yet. Love has conquered greater challenges than this. Yet all I want is for him to be quiet, stop crying so much, be more communicative about what's bothering him, stay on my lap for more than 5 minutes or at least be happier elsewhere if he really must get off me.
I wonder if I'm just better suited for cats.
Speaking of cats, what a huge comfort my cats have been. It's strange to say that my cats are helping me cope with the baby. But I already have relationships with my cats. The hard parts with them ended years ago.
And it's really very simple. I touch the baby, he cries. I touch the cats, they purr.
The baby doesn't know where he wants to be, but after 5 or 10 minutes, he's certain he wants to be somewhere else. The cats jump up on my lap and are genuinely, silently happy to be there.
There's probably nothing very profound going on here, though. I just need to establish the basics. AwesomeCloud needs to grow comfortably familiar with his new surroundings. I have to learn what calms him and become proficient at doing those things. We need a regular routine and I need to know he can sleep through the night so that I may sleep through the night, too.
Someday the renovations will be done and that will make me happier, too.
Tomorrow I'm taking him to the mall, or maybe downtown Hyannis or Falmouth where all the tourist shops are, so that he will not sleep the day away.
He's still whimpering in his crib. Hopefully he'll settle down. I'm taking this time to prep some of his medical supplies and fold laundry. Mama's got a house to maintain, kiddo.
I've been half-jokingly saying I have post-partum depression. I'm also occasionally having doubts. I suppose it's common for new parents to have doubts.There may be those individuals whose calling for parenthood is so strong that they're still consumed by the joy of it after the sleep dep has worn them down, after countless episodes of the baby crying for no apparent reason. My convictions are not so strong. They allow me to feel periodic doubt. Maybe I wasn't cut out for parenthood. Maybe I don't have enough patience or energy. Maybe I'm prone to neglectful habits, like putting him in his crib at 3:00 AM when I know he's not the least bit tired. He's not doing anything horrible, not rejecting me or starving himself or throwing things at the cats. He just cries frequently, sometimes over nothing I can identify. He just isn't that attached to me yet. Love has conquered greater challenges than this. Yet all I want is for him to be quiet, stop crying so much, be more communicative about what's bothering him, stay on my lap for more than 5 minutes or at least be happier elsewhere if he really must get off me.
I wonder if I'm just better suited for cats.
Speaking of cats, what a huge comfort my cats have been. It's strange to say that my cats are helping me cope with the baby. But I already have relationships with my cats. The hard parts with them ended years ago.
And it's really very simple. I touch the baby, he cries. I touch the cats, they purr.
The baby doesn't know where he wants to be, but after 5 or 10 minutes, he's certain he wants to be somewhere else. The cats jump up on my lap and are genuinely, silently happy to be there.
There's probably nothing very profound going on here, though. I just need to establish the basics. AwesomeCloud needs to grow comfortably familiar with his new surroundings. I have to learn what calms him and become proficient at doing those things. We need a regular routine and I need to know he can sleep through the night so that I may sleep through the night, too.
Someday the renovations will be done and that will make me happier, too.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
We're home
We got home midnight on Thursday. Sorry, I haven't felt like writing much.
There have been a few small milestones. AwesomeCloud has begun to pick up Cheerios with his hands and put them in his mouth. today he played on the floor for 15 whole minutes before crying. I think I'm overdoing floor time, though. He generally hates the floor, and I should have just let it go after that 15 minutes, but there aren't a lot of places to put him. The stroller, but he cries if it's not moving. The high chair, but he cries if he's not eating. The crib, but he cries if he's not asleep. My lap, but he's taken to doubling over and putting his forehead on my knees and wailing like a banshee after several minutes. What do I do then? Put him down, right?
We're all suffering from jet lag. Just as I thought it was getting better, AwesomeCloud switched back to China time. He fell asleep early this morning and did not wake up until 6:30 PM. I was advised to let sleeping babies sleep, and to synchronize with him by sleeping whenever he sleeps. Lately I've hardly been sleeping at all. So I spent all day napping on the futon while my parents, husband, and contractor came and went, and then suddenly it was dusk.
AwesomeCloud seems inclined to pull an all-nighter now that he's slept all day. I slept all day too, but I don't think I can do it. Especially when he tolerates any given activity for 5 minutes or less. I've already taken him for two walks in the stroller in the pitch blackness with a flashlight strapped to the stroller. I'd drive him around in the car, but I'm too bleary-eyed to be a safe driver.
He's in the crib now, wailing again. I feel bad. My husband is trying to sleep in there; he has his own jet lag related troubles to deal with.
None of us are in sync, in fact. And the husband starts work on Monday. I really should, too, but my work requires installing my computer in the upstairs office room, and, well, there is no upstairs office room yet.
The renovations are almost done. Sort of. Mostly. The floor is almost in. The electrician hasn't shown up yet and he's holding everything back.
I told them I wanted the renovations done before we got back from China. No such luck. It's amazing that both AwesomeCloud and I slept through all that noise today. He certainly did! He slept like a rock the whole 12 hours, according to everyone (my parents, husband, and me) who checked in on him throughout the day. I didn't sleep quite so soundly.
He has significant delays and is like a much younger child, but I think it's just due to orphanage living. I don't think he has inherent mental or cognitive delays. So, I have a one-year-old for a while. He'll catch up, surely.
There have been a few small milestones. AwesomeCloud has begun to pick up Cheerios with his hands and put them in his mouth. today he played on the floor for 15 whole minutes before crying. I think I'm overdoing floor time, though. He generally hates the floor, and I should have just let it go after that 15 minutes, but there aren't a lot of places to put him. The stroller, but he cries if it's not moving. The high chair, but he cries if he's not eating. The crib, but he cries if he's not asleep. My lap, but he's taken to doubling over and putting his forehead on my knees and wailing like a banshee after several minutes. What do I do then? Put him down, right?
We're all suffering from jet lag. Just as I thought it was getting better, AwesomeCloud switched back to China time. He fell asleep early this morning and did not wake up until 6:30 PM. I was advised to let sleeping babies sleep, and to synchronize with him by sleeping whenever he sleeps. Lately I've hardly been sleeping at all. So I spent all day napping on the futon while my parents, husband, and contractor came and went, and then suddenly it was dusk.
AwesomeCloud seems inclined to pull an all-nighter now that he's slept all day. I slept all day too, but I don't think I can do it. Especially when he tolerates any given activity for 5 minutes or less. I've already taken him for two walks in the stroller in the pitch blackness with a flashlight strapped to the stroller. I'd drive him around in the car, but I'm too bleary-eyed to be a safe driver.
He's in the crib now, wailing again. I feel bad. My husband is trying to sleep in there; he has his own jet lag related troubles to deal with.
None of us are in sync, in fact. And the husband starts work on Monday. I really should, too, but my work requires installing my computer in the upstairs office room, and, well, there is no upstairs office room yet.
The renovations are almost done. Sort of. Mostly. The floor is almost in. The electrician hasn't shown up yet and he's holding everything back.
I told them I wanted the renovations done before we got back from China. No such luck. It's amazing that both AwesomeCloud and I slept through all that noise today. He certainly did! He slept like a rock the whole 12 hours, according to everyone (my parents, husband, and me) who checked in on him throughout the day. I didn't sleep quite so soundly.
He has significant delays and is like a much younger child, but I think it's just due to orphanage living. I don't think he has inherent mental or cognitive delays. So, I have a one-year-old for a while. He'll catch up, surely.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Almost done in Guangzhou!
It's another cold, windy, rainy day here in Guangzhou. By noon today we'll be headed to the American consulate for immigration paperwork. Tomorrow morning we have the swearing in ceremony, then it's rush rush rush as we check out of the hotel, catch the late flight to Beijing, stay overnight at the airport hotel, and then fly Continental to Newark in the morning. Whew! I'm tired already!
The stomach bug seems to be gone. What a relief! I'm still battling some symptoms of dehydration. Sheesh, I feel like I'm always guzzling water, tea, and juice. It's gotta work sometime.
I miss the salty fresh air of home - it's been nothing but pollution here the whole time. Rain and pollution, sun and pollution, wind and pollution.
The concierge is making a valiant effort to fix the broken wheel on the stroller with crazy glue. It may be crazy, but it just might work.
The housekeeper is very sweet. She is here now, cleaning - I invited her in, and we had a stilted conversation about art, airplanes, pinyin, and the words "yisheng" (doctor) and "gaoxing" (happy). She is the sweetest thing ever!
People here seem thrilled, beside themselves even, when I attempt to speak Chinese or show some interest in Chinese culture. Grace, our tour guide yesterday, was rapt as I explained to her that I had some passing familiarity with Buddhism. And at breakfast, when I said "Xiexie" to the waitress pouring my tea, she giggled and practically squealed when she said, "Bu ke qi."
I am encouraged to continue my studies! In the long run, it will help AwesomeCloud if his parents are interested in and actively learning his language and culture.
The stomach bug seems to be gone. What a relief! I'm still battling some symptoms of dehydration. Sheesh, I feel like I'm always guzzling water, tea, and juice. It's gotta work sometime.
I miss the salty fresh air of home - it's been nothing but pollution here the whole time. Rain and pollution, sun and pollution, wind and pollution.
The concierge is making a valiant effort to fix the broken wheel on the stroller with crazy glue. It may be crazy, but it just might work.
The housekeeper is very sweet. She is here now, cleaning - I invited her in, and we had a stilted conversation about art, airplanes, pinyin, and the words "yisheng" (doctor) and "gaoxing" (happy). She is the sweetest thing ever!
People here seem thrilled, beside themselves even, when I attempt to speak Chinese or show some interest in Chinese culture. Grace, our tour guide yesterday, was rapt as I explained to her that I had some passing familiarity with Buddhism. And at breakfast, when I said "Xiexie" to the waitress pouring my tea, she giggled and practically squealed when she said, "Bu ke qi."
I am encouraged to continue my studies! In the long run, it will help AwesomeCloud if his parents are interested in and actively learning his language and culture.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I got my wish!
The Chinese do not offer top bedsheets. They make their hotel beds with a single, massive comforter in a pillowcase-like cover. That's all you get. Even in sweltering Guangzhou.
I pulled my comforter out of the cover and discovered (dis-covered! haha!) that the cover by itself was an adequate sheet. Unfortunately I did this after a poor night's sleep.
The housekeeper, upon finding the separated bed linens, must have realized that I was dissatisfied with the traditional arrangement. So when she made up my bed, she left the uncovered comforter and withheld the sheet/cover.
I chased her down and attempted to trade. Her English was poor, so she called her supervisor. The supervisor entered my room and asked me to explain.
"I just want the cover. Bu yao (the comforter)," I said. "I made it warm for the baby, but that means, when I use (the comforter and cover), I am hothothot!"
She nodded vigorously and then asked me to go over my explanation 4 more times, which I did in various ways.
"Hothothot!" I said, fanning myself. "Bu yao."
"Okay, only the sheet, not the (comforter)," she agreed, and then added, "There is air conditioner."
So then I found 2 or 3 ways to explain to her that I adjusted the air conditioner for the baby's comfort. He kicks off his sheet, which isn't much to begin with, and it's easier to have a warm room than to get up every hour to cover him again.
She got it. I have my sheet. I am about to get an early start on sleeping while Rick is still out souvenir shopping with kiddo.
On my way into the room just now, I passed a pair of women admonishing their little girl, "Shut up! Shut up!"
I smiled sympathetically and told them, "I've said that to mine, too. I figure that as long as they don't understand English, it's okay." I also use a very flat tone of voice so the kiddo can't detect my annoyance so easily... when I remember to. I rarely have the energy for vocal expression these days anyway, so a flat voice is not as hard as it sounds.
Anyway, the two ladies then proceeded to complain about their daughter's relentless crying. My kid's better! Yay! In fact he was quite good at Lucy's restaurant this evening, until the end.
Lucy's is an American style restaurant (sort of) that we would ordinarily try to avoid on principle. But it's so cheap! And they're prepared for kids! And they're right near the hotel! Who cares about principle when your kid's been wailing all day? Their one big weakness is that they dont serve everyone at the table at the same time. This is common in the Chinese style, where everyone shares dishes, but Rick and I each ordered something the other didn't like. The chicken congee we got for the kiddo, however, was excellent.
I pulled my comforter out of the cover and discovered (dis-covered! haha!) that the cover by itself was an adequate sheet. Unfortunately I did this after a poor night's sleep.
The housekeeper, upon finding the separated bed linens, must have realized that I was dissatisfied with the traditional arrangement. So when she made up my bed, she left the uncovered comforter and withheld the sheet/cover.
I chased her down and attempted to trade. Her English was poor, so she called her supervisor. The supervisor entered my room and asked me to explain.
"I just want the cover. Bu yao (the comforter)," I said. "I made it warm for the baby, but that means, when I use (the comforter and cover), I am hothothot!"
She nodded vigorously and then asked me to go over my explanation 4 more times, which I did in various ways.
"Hothothot!" I said, fanning myself. "Bu yao."
"Okay, only the sheet, not the (comforter)," she agreed, and then added, "There is air conditioner."
So then I found 2 or 3 ways to explain to her that I adjusted the air conditioner for the baby's comfort. He kicks off his sheet, which isn't much to begin with, and it's easier to have a warm room than to get up every hour to cover him again.
She got it. I have my sheet. I am about to get an early start on sleeping while Rick is still out souvenir shopping with kiddo.
On my way into the room just now, I passed a pair of women admonishing their little girl, "Shut up! Shut up!"
I smiled sympathetically and told them, "I've said that to mine, too. I figure that as long as they don't understand English, it's okay." I also use a very flat tone of voice so the kiddo can't detect my annoyance so easily... when I remember to. I rarely have the energy for vocal expression these days anyway, so a flat voice is not as hard as it sounds.
Anyway, the two ladies then proceeded to complain about their daughter's relentless crying. My kid's better! Yay! In fact he was quite good at Lucy's restaurant this evening, until the end.
Lucy's is an American style restaurant (sort of) that we would ordinarily try to avoid on principle. But it's so cheap! And they're prepared for kids! And they're right near the hotel! Who cares about principle when your kid's been wailing all day? Their one big weakness is that they dont serve everyone at the table at the same time. This is common in the Chinese style, where everyone shares dishes, but Rick and I each ordered something the other didn't like. The chicken congee we got for the kiddo, however, was excellent.
Guangzhou yay!
I am currently sitting in a nice little hotel room in the White Swan hotel, with American families wandering about with their newly adopted children all over the extensive grounds, and a marathon screaming session going on immediately to my right. We've done everything for him. He got a tour of the island early this morning, a stroll around the jade statues before and after lunch, he's clean and fed and watered and held for hours with Irish ballads playing. I don't understand how he even still has a voice now. He works himself up to a horrible screech, with fists clenched and/or fingers in his mouth. That's another thing I don't understand. When he's crying this hard, doesn't he bite his fingers? But he seems not to.
While he grows more and more determined to be inconsolable, I grow tireder and tireder of everything, in general, not just of trying and failing to console him. He slept a solid 9 hours last night, and I slept 5. While he keeps the volume up, I've lost my voice several times over from singing softly.
Fortunately, my husband is still somewhat sane and functional. My guys have both outlasted me. Not that any of us are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
I don't think the stomach bug is bothering me anymore, but the Potato Effect has kicked in. See, when I go on long vacations and eat out a lot, I hit a certain point at which I can't indulge anymore and I order a baked potato. My friends laugh at me, saying, "Why don't you have one of the delicious entrees?" But no, I only want a baked potato, and my appetite stays more or less poor for the rest of the trip.
I figured, after having the stomach bug for 4 or 5 days, the Potato Effect would not apply. But it seems to have. I can enjoy small amounts of food, sometimes.
AwesomeCloud has been doing a few more little things of interest. This morning he and I played nicely with colored wooden donuts for several minutes. Yesterday he decided he liked solid food after all, and now he adores it so much we have to practice portion control and endure screaming hissy fits when we make him eat slowly.
He's still screaming. I have no idea how he does it... or why. I guess he's starting to hate this room as much as he hated the last one. That makes no sense to me. Surely he didn't spend his days rolling around in a stroller for hours and hours at the orphanage. And now even that last vestige of peace is starting to not work anymore. (The sling works better when he's not fussing and elbowing me in the chest constantly. Sorry, but I'm only human. I have limits. Actually my limits were crossed, steamrolled, and pureed a long time ago and now I'm just operating on blind, dumb faith in the idea that I'll be home someday.)
The Guangzhuo guide and I had a nice little shopping trip to the shopping district yesterday. I tried a mango freeze drink which was very good. She took me around to a baby clothes discount store, a book/CD store, and a department store and I bought a bunch more baby necessities. Materially, I feel better prepared than ever before. What a relief. I don't think the eternal scrambling and scrounging we were doing in Nanjing would have done my poor overstretched sanity any good if we were still having to do it.
Tomorrow we're going on a half-day tour. This will either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. I will be thrilled beyond words, though, if it just turns out to be a way to pass the time. Lately, we've taken to saying to each other, "Oh no! It's only 10 AM! What do we do for the rest of the day?!"
I wish he would nap. He only drifts off in the most inconvenient positions (frequently, again, with an elbow in the chest of whoever is holding him) and jolts awake, ready to cry, with the slightest readjustment of position.
I need to read some accounts of more difficult babies, so I can be reminded that he's of kinda average difficulty. Unfortunately, the parents around here are good for one conversation each, and part with reassurances and promises, but I haven't had a real second conversation with anyone.
Also, what am I supposed to do with all the diapers we got that don't fit him so well? They're way too bulky to pack and bring home, and the size isn't the problem so much as the style. Is there a baby item trading protocol around here? I guess people just trade with other families in their group, and we don't have a group.
While he grows more and more determined to be inconsolable, I grow tireder and tireder of everything, in general, not just of trying and failing to console him. He slept a solid 9 hours last night, and I slept 5. While he keeps the volume up, I've lost my voice several times over from singing softly.
Fortunately, my husband is still somewhat sane and functional. My guys have both outlasted me. Not that any of us are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
I don't think the stomach bug is bothering me anymore, but the Potato Effect has kicked in. See, when I go on long vacations and eat out a lot, I hit a certain point at which I can't indulge anymore and I order a baked potato. My friends laugh at me, saying, "Why don't you have one of the delicious entrees?" But no, I only want a baked potato, and my appetite stays more or less poor for the rest of the trip.
I figured, after having the stomach bug for 4 or 5 days, the Potato Effect would not apply. But it seems to have. I can enjoy small amounts of food, sometimes.
AwesomeCloud has been doing a few more little things of interest. This morning he and I played nicely with colored wooden donuts for several minutes. Yesterday he decided he liked solid food after all, and now he adores it so much we have to practice portion control and endure screaming hissy fits when we make him eat slowly.
He's still screaming. I have no idea how he does it... or why. I guess he's starting to hate this room as much as he hated the last one. That makes no sense to me. Surely he didn't spend his days rolling around in a stroller for hours and hours at the orphanage. And now even that last vestige of peace is starting to not work anymore. (The sling works better when he's not fussing and elbowing me in the chest constantly. Sorry, but I'm only human. I have limits. Actually my limits were crossed, steamrolled, and pureed a long time ago and now I'm just operating on blind, dumb faith in the idea that I'll be home someday.)
The Guangzhuo guide and I had a nice little shopping trip to the shopping district yesterday. I tried a mango freeze drink which was very good. She took me around to a baby clothes discount store, a book/CD store, and a department store and I bought a bunch more baby necessities. Materially, I feel better prepared than ever before. What a relief. I don't think the eternal scrambling and scrounging we were doing in Nanjing would have done my poor overstretched sanity any good if we were still having to do it.
Tomorrow we're going on a half-day tour. This will either be a very good thing or a very bad thing. I will be thrilled beyond words, though, if it just turns out to be a way to pass the time. Lately, we've taken to saying to each other, "Oh no! It's only 10 AM! What do we do for the rest of the day?!"
I wish he would nap. He only drifts off in the most inconvenient positions (frequently, again, with an elbow in the chest of whoever is holding him) and jolts awake, ready to cry, with the slightest readjustment of position.
I need to read some accounts of more difficult babies, so I can be reminded that he's of kinda average difficulty. Unfortunately, the parents around here are good for one conversation each, and part with reassurances and promises, but I haven't had a real second conversation with anyone.
Also, what am I supposed to do with all the diapers we got that don't fit him so well? They're way too bulky to pack and bring home, and the size isn't the problem so much as the style. Is there a baby item trading protocol around here? I guess people just trade with other families in their group, and we don't have a group.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Goodbye Nanjing, hello airport
Again, thanks for all the comments. I'd like to answer each one individually, but I have a lot of packing to do. We are leaving Nanjing in mere hours! Our plane leaves in 11 hours, which is not ideal, but as soon as we check out of the hotel room, I'll feel like we're practically gone already.
Kiddo hates the hotel room. He hate hate HATES it. At first we thought, nah, that's silly, he's crying for a multitude of other reasons. But now we've decided that it's true. When all other problems have been solved, he will cry long and hard simply because he hates this room.
Rick took him to Walmart in the stroller, which is no small task. They're taking a taxi there and walking back - the walk takes about an hour. I get 2 peaceful hours to pack, and I'm packing like mad. I feel like I haven't slept in 2 days, even though last night I actually did finally get some sleep, but the realization that the kiddo hates the hotel room takes a huge weight off of me. That, combined with leaving.
Zai jian, Nanjing. It's been real. (A little too real.)
For the record, my passionate loathing for Nanjing is primarily a coping mechanism. I'm sure, in its own right, Nanjing is a reasonably nice place. But it feels so good to say, "I hate Nanjing!" and type it over and over. Doing so prevents me from having to make a number of other negative statements that I'll regret more than I'll regret this one. Nanjing is not AwesomeCloud's home town, it's not the entire nation of China, and if we decide never to return here, no harm will be done. Someday we may go to Wuxi and find that it is delightful. Beijing (without a baby) gave us lots of good memories. Nanjing, and I, however, do not get along at all, and neither one of us will be sorry to see the other go.
We do have some happy memories. Two days ago, Rick took the baby to a park and discovered a pond with koi and turtles. He also discovered that AwesomeCloud likes books, and there's a great little bookstore nearby that sells cute bilingual picture books for the toddler crowd.
He even started acting a little playful on that trip, smiling at Rick and waving his bottle around. And then last night, we took him to a fine restaurant with our guide. I had been advised by the MD not to eat meat or veggies - just toast, water, and other mild foods until my stomach recovers. (He did not give me antibiotics - apparently, if this is from the bacteria in the water, it's a very mild case and all I need is time.)
So there I was, eating a sad little bowl of white rice and some green tea, with all this great food spread out in front of us. (Our guide over-ordered significantly, probably hoping I'd cave in and stuff myself. Can't, doctor's orders!) The kiddo was parked in his stroller right next to me. He kicked the table cloth. I giggled. I poked his foot and said, "Bingbingbing!" He giggled. After a while of that, he looked up at me and made kissing noises! I made them back. We laughed and laughed and I gave him tiny tastes of rice and bok sprouts, the first solid food he's willingly eaten in a while.
I do use the sling. When I get it right, it's wonderful and he likes being in it. The trick is putting it on right in the first place. Once it's on, it's hard to adjust or take off. Also, it doesn't fit Rick because of the way I made it. I'll alter it when I get home. So he's getting stroller time too, which he's perfectly fine with. Anything he does that is not screaming death and agony in the hotel room is a relief to us. We'll put in the serious bonding efforts when we get out of here.
Sorry, still no time to post pics. Maybe in Guangzhou, depending on how the internet connection is there and how I feel. Or maybe I'll just wait till we get home.
Kiddo hates the hotel room. He hate hate HATES it. At first we thought, nah, that's silly, he's crying for a multitude of other reasons. But now we've decided that it's true. When all other problems have been solved, he will cry long and hard simply because he hates this room.
Rick took him to Walmart in the stroller, which is no small task. They're taking a taxi there and walking back - the walk takes about an hour. I get 2 peaceful hours to pack, and I'm packing like mad. I feel like I haven't slept in 2 days, even though last night I actually did finally get some sleep, but the realization that the kiddo hates the hotel room takes a huge weight off of me. That, combined with leaving.
Zai jian, Nanjing. It's been real. (A little too real.)
For the record, my passionate loathing for Nanjing is primarily a coping mechanism. I'm sure, in its own right, Nanjing is a reasonably nice place. But it feels so good to say, "I hate Nanjing!" and type it over and over. Doing so prevents me from having to make a number of other negative statements that I'll regret more than I'll regret this one. Nanjing is not AwesomeCloud's home town, it's not the entire nation of China, and if we decide never to return here, no harm will be done. Someday we may go to Wuxi and find that it is delightful. Beijing (without a baby) gave us lots of good memories. Nanjing, and I, however, do not get along at all, and neither one of us will be sorry to see the other go.
We do have some happy memories. Two days ago, Rick took the baby to a park and discovered a pond with koi and turtles. He also discovered that AwesomeCloud likes books, and there's a great little bookstore nearby that sells cute bilingual picture books for the toddler crowd.
He even started acting a little playful on that trip, smiling at Rick and waving his bottle around. And then last night, we took him to a fine restaurant with our guide. I had been advised by the MD not to eat meat or veggies - just toast, water, and other mild foods until my stomach recovers. (He did not give me antibiotics - apparently, if this is from the bacteria in the water, it's a very mild case and all I need is time.)
So there I was, eating a sad little bowl of white rice and some green tea, with all this great food spread out in front of us. (Our guide over-ordered significantly, probably hoping I'd cave in and stuff myself. Can't, doctor's orders!) The kiddo was parked in his stroller right next to me. He kicked the table cloth. I giggled. I poked his foot and said, "Bingbingbing!" He giggled. After a while of that, he looked up at me and made kissing noises! I made them back. We laughed and laughed and I gave him tiny tastes of rice and bok sprouts, the first solid food he's willingly eaten in a while.
I do use the sling. When I get it right, it's wonderful and he likes being in it. The trick is putting it on right in the first place. Once it's on, it's hard to adjust or take off. Also, it doesn't fit Rick because of the way I made it. I'll alter it when I get home. So he's getting stroller time too, which he's perfectly fine with. Anything he does that is not screaming death and agony in the hotel room is a relief to us. We'll put in the serious bonding efforts when we get out of here.
Sorry, still no time to post pics. Maybe in Guangzhou, depending on how the internet connection is there and how I feel. Or maybe I'll just wait till we get home.
Our last full day in Nanjing!
We had a rough night last night - very little sleep. I slept even less than AwesomeCloud. Now I'm paying for that, and the stomach bug which won't quite let me eat, and the horrid pollution. Rocking and singing to the baby as much as I can, but I'm not very energetic and now I've lost my voice.
The MD is supposedly coming to maybe give me antibiotics. i don't know when. i can't understand English with a Chinese accent over the phone. Probably the hotel phone's fault in particular. The MD was more interested in the baby. I'll be happy to talk to him about the baby, but only when he's here so I can understand his responses. He said he was coming at a specific time but I didn't catch what time that will be.
The baby is making some progress. He seems to enjoy looking at us a little more. He was rejecting food so often that now he's getting all formula all the time. We'll still offer him other things, but if he rejects these things, he gets formula. If he starts rejecting the formula... well, he hasn't yet. Maybe it won't become a problem.
Thanks to all for your comments of support, advice, congrats, and commiseration. The internet truly is a lifeline! I can spend 5 hours rocking the baby, walking him around, and singing to him till I'm hoarse, and then I can log on and be greeted by 15 comments. 15 little bits of sanity in text form. Oh, how I love sanity, even in comment-length increments.
Tonight we are going out to dinner with our guide. We need to ask for a late checkout tomorrow because our plane to Guangzhou leaves at 7 PM. We can only waste so much time at the airport! Sheesh! Our agent also recommended the cultural museum, which is quiet and not a tourist trap. I haven't decided yet if we want to try that with AwesomeCloud. He did so poorly yesterday morning with the sightseeing that my protective instincts are being very resistant to the idea. If I can gain some strength and carry him in the sling the whole time... or, if my husband and the guide don't mind me sitting out parts of the museum on an occasional bench, I could maybe do it.
I'm looking forward to Guangzhou, especially if it's really that much nicer than Nanjing. I'm still focused on getting home, but if I can wait out my last week in China in someplace nicer, maybe someplace less cigarette-stinky with some other adoptive families around, my spirits will have an easier time staying up. I think it's a good sign that, when I'm at my wit's end, it's not the baby I want to get rid of - it's the entire city of Nanjing.
The MD is supposedly coming to maybe give me antibiotics. i don't know when. i can't understand English with a Chinese accent over the phone. Probably the hotel phone's fault in particular. The MD was more interested in the baby. I'll be happy to talk to him about the baby, but only when he's here so I can understand his responses. He said he was coming at a specific time but I didn't catch what time that will be.
The baby is making some progress. He seems to enjoy looking at us a little more. He was rejecting food so often that now he's getting all formula all the time. We'll still offer him other things, but if he rejects these things, he gets formula. If he starts rejecting the formula... well, he hasn't yet. Maybe it won't become a problem.
Thanks to all for your comments of support, advice, congrats, and commiseration. The internet truly is a lifeline! I can spend 5 hours rocking the baby, walking him around, and singing to him till I'm hoarse, and then I can log on and be greeted by 15 comments. 15 little bits of sanity in text form. Oh, how I love sanity, even in comment-length increments.
Tonight we are going out to dinner with our guide. We need to ask for a late checkout tomorrow because our plane to Guangzhou leaves at 7 PM. We can only waste so much time at the airport! Sheesh! Our agent also recommended the cultural museum, which is quiet and not a tourist trap. I haven't decided yet if we want to try that with AwesomeCloud. He did so poorly yesterday morning with the sightseeing that my protective instincts are being very resistant to the idea. If I can gain some strength and carry him in the sling the whole time... or, if my husband and the guide don't mind me sitting out parts of the museum on an occasional bench, I could maybe do it.
I'm looking forward to Guangzhou, especially if it's really that much nicer than Nanjing. I'm still focused on getting home, but if I can wait out my last week in China in someplace nicer, maybe someplace less cigarette-stinky with some other adoptive families around, my spirits will have an easier time staying up. I think it's a good sign that, when I'm at my wit's end, it's not the baby I want to get rid of - it's the entire city of Nanjing.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Nanjing adventures, yesterday and today
This is the part where much happens and I have very little time to write about it. Internet service at the Nanjing Ramada is purchased in 24-hour increments, which is better for us than the pay-by-minute service in Beijing. We like to look at all our websites in one long session, and chat with family/friends if we can. We've decided to alternate days. So, today, no internet. By the time you all read this, it will be tomorrow.
A quick summary of the things that have been happening here:
The Good
*AwesomeCloud is an angel in public. He greets cooing strangers with a look of mild interest. He brings everyone who sees him a moment of joy.
*AwesomeCloud seriously loves music. When he's upset, as long as he's not TOO upset, the “Mama hao” lullaby works like a charm. But pretty much any music pleases him.
*AwesomeCloud loves his bottle. He cannot be without it. I feed him by hand every now and then for that essential bonding experience, but we let him carry it around with him wherever we go. It's better that way.
*He sleeps well. In fact he's sleeping now.
*He's a good size, and healthy too. Aside from the issues we knew about ahead of time, he doesn't seem to have a thing wrong with him.
*He is alert and intelligent. The orphanage was not lying about that.
*As of sometime this morning, he is legally ours! Yesterday we just had him on loan for 24 hours. Now he's here to stay.
*We got the baby sling to work. It needs to be altered a bit, but I can carry him around in it as it is now, and he seems to rather like it.
*We tried him out in the stroller too, which is a relief. One less thing to worry about for the plane rides from here to Guangzhou and from Guangzhou homeward.
Side note: I'm a long-term thinker by nature. Ever since we got here, I've been looking at the faces of all the men, wondering what AwesomeCloud will look like when he's 10, 20, 40, 80 years old. He's a permanent member of the family now, which means that when we're 80, we'll have a 40-year-old Chinese-American son. Hopefully a happy, healthy, successful one, however he defines success at that point in his life. Our grandchildren will be at least half-Asian. When he takes his girlfriend home to meet his parents, his parents will be white. The word 'adopted' will be spoken early and often by everyone we meet, even when he's a grandfather himself.
Aaaanyway...!
The Bad
*Remember when I remarked that I'd consumed so much tap water that it was a wonder I wasn't dead yet? Guess what! Actually I'm not doing so bad. I feel lousy and have no appetite, but the messiest symptoms I could be suffering are absent.
*As a result, I don't really want any more Chinese food. Or much of any kind of food really, but especially not a tripe-and-weird-vegetable stir-fry with glutinous rice.
*I don't like Nanjing. Sorry, but Beijing was more appealing on several levels. Not least of which is that the English speakers actually knew English! If it weren't for our wonderful guide, I don't know what I'd do. Draw pictures every time I order takeout, I guess.
*I went to a local restaurant and ordered takeout by drawing a chicken, a turnip, and a bowl of rice on the ordering pad. It was hilarious and a cultural victory I'm mighty proud of, but I don't want to do it again. Once was plenty.
*The feeding of AwesomeCloud has gone through some difficulties. We learn from our mistakes. We got him some nutritional formula for older babies, which takes some of the pressure off of feeding him a balanced diet. He's regressing to formula and other fluidy foods like congee until we get him home, and he seems uninterested in solid food right now anyway.
*He does scream. Mostly when we're in the hotel room. He's not the screamiest screamer ever to scream, but it's still nerve-wracking. You still go through the process of checking his diaper for pinches, feeling his forehead, and scrambling for other causes of distress, even though it's likely that nothing like that is wrong and he's just having an emotional moment.
There is fruit in the room. I think I can tolerate a banana. Did you know it's easier to peel a banana from the bottom? Ever since I learned that, I've been eating my bananas from the bottom, and it really is easier. My husband laughs at the idea, but he doesn't even like bananas, so it doesn't affect him.
Today is my husband's birthday. We were going to do something special for food. I don't know what it was going to be. He went to McD's with AwesomeCloud, just to do it, while I stayed in and washed dirty clothes in the sink. Yay. Oh well, he got a kid on his birthday. Hard to beat that no matter what I dream up.
Those last two items belong in the “Good” category. In fact, I'm even kinda enjoying this banana.
The Ugly
Yesterday, when I wrote this entry, I didn't have much of an 'ugly'. Nanjing is pretty ugly, but that was about it. However, today I can say that almost the whole day was ugly. Our guide made a valiant effort to bring us sightseeing. When we got to the brocade museum, there was no English-speaking guide available, so she guided us herself. She brought us to the Nanjing City Wall. She offered to bring us other places too. However, somewhere in the middle of this, AwesomeCloud went fully catatonic. I was worried for him, so we cut the adventures short and came back to the hotel.
I gave him a bottle of formula and convinced him to nap for ½ hour, or maybe he just went catatonic again. Then he jolted awake and went into a full-scale meltdown. Scary stuff. I was holding him on my lap, letting him scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream while I sang and rocked him... when... the front desk called. They were concerned about the crying baby. I couldn't hear exactly what the woman said, and I'm sure she couldn't hear what I said either. But I gave her a long explanation about why babies may sometimes cry like this, and how I'd take him elsewhere but there's nowhere else to go. She said, “Okay okay okay.”
And that was it, except the frantically trying to keep him quiet we've been doing ever since. He has never liked the hotel room much, and he cries less when he's going somewhere. But that may change after this morning's erstwhile sightseeing attempt.
This adjustment period would be hard enough at home, where no one would call to complain about the crying baby because the neighboring houses are too far away to hear him. Where we'd have our own stuff, our own routine, and family and friends to support us.
Here, we have more than nothing – we have our agents on the phone, our wonderful guide, shops to buy stuff from, and at least the hotel room is our own space in a manner of speaking. But oh my god, do I ever want to get out of here. I now officially hate Nanjing, and I dread Guangzhou. I love the baby, and in general I love China, but both at once is so hard.
I want clean air, clean streets, and my clean hybrid car. I want trash I can take out myself. I miss the cats something awful. I want my house. I want my parents and my sister and every shred of advice they can think of.
My husband's been wonderful throughout this, but we're in the same boat. We're dealing with the same problems in much the same ways, except that he's coping by eating fast food (of both the chain and local variety) and I'm eating almost nothing at all. Some cookies and some fruit.
And cake. The hotel gave us a birthday cake. It's delicious, if not quite traditionally American in its composition, and it was sweet of the hotel to honor us in that way. It's huge, though. I wish we had people to share it with. I wish we had other families with screaming new children to commiserate with, right here in the same hotel, so the pressure won't be all on us.
We're both very lonely.
I was going to post pictures. Forgive me for the delay. Maybe next time.
A quick summary of the things that have been happening here:
The Good
*AwesomeCloud is an angel in public. He greets cooing strangers with a look of mild interest. He brings everyone who sees him a moment of joy.
*AwesomeCloud seriously loves music. When he's upset, as long as he's not TOO upset, the “Mama hao” lullaby works like a charm. But pretty much any music pleases him.
*AwesomeCloud loves his bottle. He cannot be without it. I feed him by hand every now and then for that essential bonding experience, but we let him carry it around with him wherever we go. It's better that way.
*He sleeps well. In fact he's sleeping now.
*He's a good size, and healthy too. Aside from the issues we knew about ahead of time, he doesn't seem to have a thing wrong with him.
*He is alert and intelligent. The orphanage was not lying about that.
*As of sometime this morning, he is legally ours! Yesterday we just had him on loan for 24 hours. Now he's here to stay.
*We got the baby sling to work. It needs to be altered a bit, but I can carry him around in it as it is now, and he seems to rather like it.
*We tried him out in the stroller too, which is a relief. One less thing to worry about for the plane rides from here to Guangzhou and from Guangzhou homeward.
Side note: I'm a long-term thinker by nature. Ever since we got here, I've been looking at the faces of all the men, wondering what AwesomeCloud will look like when he's 10, 20, 40, 80 years old. He's a permanent member of the family now, which means that when we're 80, we'll have a 40-year-old Chinese-American son. Hopefully a happy, healthy, successful one, however he defines success at that point in his life. Our grandchildren will be at least half-Asian. When he takes his girlfriend home to meet his parents, his parents will be white. The word 'adopted' will be spoken early and often by everyone we meet, even when he's a grandfather himself.
Aaaanyway...!
The Bad
*Remember when I remarked that I'd consumed so much tap water that it was a wonder I wasn't dead yet? Guess what! Actually I'm not doing so bad. I feel lousy and have no appetite, but the messiest symptoms I could be suffering are absent.
*As a result, I don't really want any more Chinese food. Or much of any kind of food really, but especially not a tripe-and-weird-vegetable stir-fry with glutinous rice.
*I don't like Nanjing. Sorry, but Beijing was more appealing on several levels. Not least of which is that the English speakers actually knew English! If it weren't for our wonderful guide, I don't know what I'd do. Draw pictures every time I order takeout, I guess.
*I went to a local restaurant and ordered takeout by drawing a chicken, a turnip, and a bowl of rice on the ordering pad. It was hilarious and a cultural victory I'm mighty proud of, but I don't want to do it again. Once was plenty.
*The feeding of AwesomeCloud has gone through some difficulties. We learn from our mistakes. We got him some nutritional formula for older babies, which takes some of the pressure off of feeding him a balanced diet. He's regressing to formula and other fluidy foods like congee until we get him home, and he seems uninterested in solid food right now anyway.
*He does scream. Mostly when we're in the hotel room. He's not the screamiest screamer ever to scream, but it's still nerve-wracking. You still go through the process of checking his diaper for pinches, feeling his forehead, and scrambling for other causes of distress, even though it's likely that nothing like that is wrong and he's just having an emotional moment.
There is fruit in the room. I think I can tolerate a banana. Did you know it's easier to peel a banana from the bottom? Ever since I learned that, I've been eating my bananas from the bottom, and it really is easier. My husband laughs at the idea, but he doesn't even like bananas, so it doesn't affect him.
Today is my husband's birthday. We were going to do something special for food. I don't know what it was going to be. He went to McD's with AwesomeCloud, just to do it, while I stayed in and washed dirty clothes in the sink. Yay. Oh well, he got a kid on his birthday. Hard to beat that no matter what I dream up.
Those last two items belong in the “Good” category. In fact, I'm even kinda enjoying this banana.
The Ugly
Yesterday, when I wrote this entry, I didn't have much of an 'ugly'. Nanjing is pretty ugly, but that was about it. However, today I can say that almost the whole day was ugly. Our guide made a valiant effort to bring us sightseeing. When we got to the brocade museum, there was no English-speaking guide available, so she guided us herself. She brought us to the Nanjing City Wall. She offered to bring us other places too. However, somewhere in the middle of this, AwesomeCloud went fully catatonic. I was worried for him, so we cut the adventures short and came back to the hotel.
I gave him a bottle of formula and convinced him to nap for ½ hour, or maybe he just went catatonic again. Then he jolted awake and went into a full-scale meltdown. Scary stuff. I was holding him on my lap, letting him scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream while I sang and rocked him... when... the front desk called. They were concerned about the crying baby. I couldn't hear exactly what the woman said, and I'm sure she couldn't hear what I said either. But I gave her a long explanation about why babies may sometimes cry like this, and how I'd take him elsewhere but there's nowhere else to go. She said, “Okay okay okay.”
And that was it, except the frantically trying to keep him quiet we've been doing ever since. He has never liked the hotel room much, and he cries less when he's going somewhere. But that may change after this morning's erstwhile sightseeing attempt.
This adjustment period would be hard enough at home, where no one would call to complain about the crying baby because the neighboring houses are too far away to hear him. Where we'd have our own stuff, our own routine, and family and friends to support us.
Here, we have more than nothing – we have our agents on the phone, our wonderful guide, shops to buy stuff from, and at least the hotel room is our own space in a manner of speaking. But oh my god, do I ever want to get out of here. I now officially hate Nanjing, and I dread Guangzhou. I love the baby, and in general I love China, but both at once is so hard.
I want clean air, clean streets, and my clean hybrid car. I want trash I can take out myself. I miss the cats something awful. I want my house. I want my parents and my sister and every shred of advice they can think of.
My husband's been wonderful throughout this, but we're in the same boat. We're dealing with the same problems in much the same ways, except that he's coping by eating fast food (of both the chain and local variety) and I'm eating almost nothing at all. Some cookies and some fruit.
And cake. The hotel gave us a birthday cake. It's delicious, if not quite traditionally American in its composition, and it was sweet of the hotel to honor us in that way. It's huge, though. I wish we had people to share it with. I wish we had other families with screaming new children to commiserate with, right here in the same hotel, so the pressure won't be all on us.
We're both very lonely.
I was going to post pictures. Forgive me for the delay. Maybe next time.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Awesome Cloud!
We got him. He is the sweetest little thing on the face of the earth. Right now he's having a crying jag, probably one of the longest of his life - the orphanage director told us he hardly ever cries for a long time. But he's very gentle, he doesn't flail about even when he's wailing, and his favorite coping mechanism other than crying is rocking side to side. We're taking turns holding him. Hug therapy! Thanks, Lori!
Verdict: AwesomeCloud is Awesome.
Yay! Spread the news!
He's not eating yet. He keeps showing interest, but as soon as he stops crying and gets the bottle in his mouth, he acts startled at his own quietness and goes back to crying again. Silly kiddo. Gotta drink sometime.
The worst thing is the gradual heavyness of his body when you hold him for a long time. At least he's not being actively difficult to hold, but he's not exactly cooperating either.
Thus we become parents.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)