AwesomeCloud picked and ate his first wild blackberry!
And he doesn't even like fruit very much. I think there's an instinct for eating pick-it-yourself fruit. I think I have it too.
In all, he ate four blackberries - three I picked for him and one he picked himself. He even sort of followed my instructions on choosing a good berry to pick. "The black ones, not the red ones." I don't know if he knows his colors yet, since he's never really responded to any color in a way that proved he knew it by name. But I keep trying.
Daddy and Joe took him to the Roger Williams Zoo in Providence today, while I spent the afternoon at home sweaty and miserable and failing to find the paper cutter so I can cut the signs I made for Audubon. Meh. Sometimes I go outside and look up at the gray clouds, hoping for a raindrop. None yet.
Hmm. AwesomeCloud had another first today, but I can't recall what it was. They come so fast and furious, especially if you count the nuances, like 'first sentence spoken as a three-syllable phrase' and 'first sentence assembled independently' as two different things.
He tried his first bratwurst sausage yesterday, and had his first taco a week ago. (The bratwurst was my first, too. Hey, we can't all be on the same schedule.)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Aquariums - my new obsession
Exciting things are happening in the aquarium.
First, a recap. My brother gave AwesomeCloud his spare fishtank as a late birthday present, and I chipped in with supplies and the fish. We got 6 platys, or Southern platyfish, named Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Maine.
One of the fish had babies. I think it was Maine. There was hardly any shelter in the tank at the time, so I added a bunch of pebbles and created hiding spots.
Vermont and Maine died. And then another fish had babies. Probably Rhode Island - she was looking pretty pudgy for a while.
Now we have one baby who is quickly growing, and who dares to come out in the open once in a while. He has a single tail spot like Maine did. We named him New York. There are also at least three tiny baby platys who almost never show themselves. There may be more than three. They look like tiny swimming eyes with transparent fins on them.
We recently added a pleco, which is short for plecostomus. It's a type of algae-eating catfish with a round suckermouth. We named it New Jersey. New Jersey is a lively little guy. The tank has never been cleaner! Unfortunately, we won't be getting New Jersey a mate and breed little plecos, because his species is territorial.
But that's okay. Connecticut is pregnant. I looked closely and could see the little eggs showing through her translucent belly. Today we added even more rocks for the new batch of babies.
(What am I going to do with all these platys?)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
So many parenting options, none of them wrong
The more I read mommy blogs and adoption blogs, the more immune I become to comparing myself unfavorably against them.
It's become normal for parents to look at other parents and see how they're raising their children; calling it "parenting styles," and puzzling over which style is the best. Maybe you think yours is best, and when you read about someone raising their kids differently, you feel compelled to correct them. Maybe you feel you're doing it all wrong and that other parents have the child-rearing secrets you lack.
Maybe you realize you're not perfect, but you hit upon a parenting technique that works. It really really works. And maybe you don't go trolling the internet as the Know-It-All Mommy commenter, but on this one issue, you know you're right. you are just soooo right.
I see that a lot on blogs.
We have a tendency to assume that if doing things one way is right, then doing things another way is wrong. This is not necessarily so. It's true in math - if your bill comes to $23.08, then you can be sure that it does not also come to $72.55.
But in parenting styles, not so much. Parenting styles rely on two variables that never affect math - the personalities of the parents and the personalities of the children. Statistics aren't the best parenting guide - if one approach is statistically favorable over another approach, that doesn't mean that your kid is doomed to fail if you do it differently.
For example, helicopter parents. Helicopter parents are supposed to be a phenomenon of our times, and one that's damaging to kids. It's every parenting blogger's favorite target. But I don't put much stock in helicopter parenting as a cohesive style. Some parents do some overprotective things sometimes. Or some overly permissive things, sometimes. There are some anecdotal extremes, there are some attention-getting statistics (like the one that says that violent child attacks on teachers in first grade in Texas rose 6%).
(See, parents are spoiling their kids to ridiculous levels. The kids don't learn boundaries, rules, or self-control. Some of them physically attack their teachers. The parenting style, therefore, must be the root of the problem.)
You know, actually, stories like that are pretty scary. The way the human mind works, next thing you know, you're wondering, "If I give in and give little Kylee a popsicle now, will she hit her teacher later?"
We hear claims that if kids are damaged, it must be the parents, and their parenting style, to blame. Therefore, if we use the wrong parenting style, won't we damage our kids?
I don't believe in such a strict correlation. Lots of kids grow up to be relatively okay, regardless of parenting style. In fact, some very successful people came from broken homes and had traumatic childhood experiences, neglectful or misguided parents, and difficult school experiences. How do those kids do it? It really depends on the kid. Some people rise above adversity. Some people become a product of their upbringings, reacting to little things like their parents' eating habits and something their teacher said to them at school, and never seeing beyond that level. You can't make them rise above. If they're going to stay small and reactive, they'll stay that way in spite of your best attempts. Likewise, the kids who do wish to rise above will survive all your parenting mistakes and limitations and will awe you with their incredible can-do attitudes.
Also, parenting style implies that there's an underlying parenting philosophy. For instance, we travel a lot with our son, because we have the philosophy that we want to introduce him to the world so he'll grow up to be worldly. We're starting small, and as he grows older, we'll travel with him more and more. That's a philosophy. If we have a parenting style, that's part of it.
We don't have TV and therefore our son doesn't watch any TV. That is not a philosophy. We're happy in our TVlessness, and we save money by not paying for cable or satellite, but we're not morally opposed to AwesomeCloud watching TV. He has shown himself to be uninterested in Disney movies and Sesame Street, and we are also uninterested, so we do other things with him instead.
But a lot of people mistake this quirk of our lifestyle for a parenting philosophy. Sometimes, people try to convince us to show him some Sesame Street, or defend their own habit of letting their kids watch TV, or both at the same time. I don't criticize them. I grew up watching lots and lots of TV, and I don't feel any regret over having been allowed to burn my brain on the boob tube. I doubt that I'd be a much better person if I'd had a TV-free childhood. But that doesn't mean I'm in a rush to go out and get cable.
Really, the TV is more inertia, finances, and lack of need than it is philosophy. There are times when I need Cloud to leave me alone for a while so I can do something. But TV doesn't accomplish that anyway, and I've actually found other ways to get stuff done. Or to not get stuff done and live with the consequences.
I think we parents are looking over each other's shoulders too much. If you really feel like you're doing things wrong and that there must be a better method, that's one thing. If you frequently lose your temper when you don't think you should have, or if you look into an empty cookie jar and worry about your child's diet, then there are probably methods you could learn that will help your family. But if you're satisfied with your child's cookie consumption until you meet someone whose child eats nothing but vegetables and whole grains, then you can feel free to continue with the cookies. Kudos to that other parent with her other dietary habits. Kudos to you, too, for doing well enough.
And all those sociological studies that say that kids do better with this much freedom and that much structure, or all those product studies that warn you against items that contain lead, BPA, or cadmium... it's a good idea to keep half an eye open for what they tell you. Look for consistencies in those studies rather than amazing breakthroughs. Use some common sense. Don't fret over advice that's too far removed from your experience.
But don't criticize the other person over it, if you can help it. Maybe the other idea does work, in someone else's family, with someone else's kids.
There are acts that are always bad, no matter who commits them. But if it's a matter of degrees, if it's just this percentage of kids thriving better than that percentage of kids, let it go.
I love the fact that my upbringing was different from my son's. And that there are positives and plusses to both child-rearing styles. And that the differences are all just nuance. If you look at the various ways children have been raised around the world and throughout history, the differences we bicker about are hardly different at all.
It's become normal for parents to look at other parents and see how they're raising their children; calling it "parenting styles," and puzzling over which style is the best. Maybe you think yours is best, and when you read about someone raising their kids differently, you feel compelled to correct them. Maybe you feel you're doing it all wrong and that other parents have the child-rearing secrets you lack.
Maybe you realize you're not perfect, but you hit upon a parenting technique that works. It really really works. And maybe you don't go trolling the internet as the Know-It-All Mommy commenter, but on this one issue, you know you're right. you are just soooo right.
I see that a lot on blogs.
We have a tendency to assume that if doing things one way is right, then doing things another way is wrong. This is not necessarily so. It's true in math - if your bill comes to $23.08, then you can be sure that it does not also come to $72.55.
But in parenting styles, not so much. Parenting styles rely on two variables that never affect math - the personalities of the parents and the personalities of the children. Statistics aren't the best parenting guide - if one approach is statistically favorable over another approach, that doesn't mean that your kid is doomed to fail if you do it differently.
For example, helicopter parents. Helicopter parents are supposed to be a phenomenon of our times, and one that's damaging to kids. It's every parenting blogger's favorite target. But I don't put much stock in helicopter parenting as a cohesive style. Some parents do some overprotective things sometimes. Or some overly permissive things, sometimes. There are some anecdotal extremes, there are some attention-getting statistics (like the one that says that violent child attacks on teachers in first grade in Texas rose 6%).
(See, parents are spoiling their kids to ridiculous levels. The kids don't learn boundaries, rules, or self-control. Some of them physically attack their teachers. The parenting style, therefore, must be the root of the problem.)
You know, actually, stories like that are pretty scary. The way the human mind works, next thing you know, you're wondering, "If I give in and give little Kylee a popsicle now, will she hit her teacher later?"
We hear claims that if kids are damaged, it must be the parents, and their parenting style, to blame. Therefore, if we use the wrong parenting style, won't we damage our kids?
I don't believe in such a strict correlation. Lots of kids grow up to be relatively okay, regardless of parenting style. In fact, some very successful people came from broken homes and had traumatic childhood experiences, neglectful or misguided parents, and difficult school experiences. How do those kids do it? It really depends on the kid. Some people rise above adversity. Some people become a product of their upbringings, reacting to little things like their parents' eating habits and something their teacher said to them at school, and never seeing beyond that level. You can't make them rise above. If they're going to stay small and reactive, they'll stay that way in spite of your best attempts. Likewise, the kids who do wish to rise above will survive all your parenting mistakes and limitations and will awe you with their incredible can-do attitudes.
Also, parenting style implies that there's an underlying parenting philosophy. For instance, we travel a lot with our son, because we have the philosophy that we want to introduce him to the world so he'll grow up to be worldly. We're starting small, and as he grows older, we'll travel with him more and more. That's a philosophy. If we have a parenting style, that's part of it.
We don't have TV and therefore our son doesn't watch any TV. That is not a philosophy. We're happy in our TVlessness, and we save money by not paying for cable or satellite, but we're not morally opposed to AwesomeCloud watching TV. He has shown himself to be uninterested in Disney movies and Sesame Street, and we are also uninterested, so we do other things with him instead.
But a lot of people mistake this quirk of our lifestyle for a parenting philosophy. Sometimes, people try to convince us to show him some Sesame Street, or defend their own habit of letting their kids watch TV, or both at the same time. I don't criticize them. I grew up watching lots and lots of TV, and I don't feel any regret over having been allowed to burn my brain on the boob tube. I doubt that I'd be a much better person if I'd had a TV-free childhood. But that doesn't mean I'm in a rush to go out and get cable.
Really, the TV is more inertia, finances, and lack of need than it is philosophy. There are times when I need Cloud to leave me alone for a while so I can do something. But TV doesn't accomplish that anyway, and I've actually found other ways to get stuff done. Or to not get stuff done and live with the consequences.
I think we parents are looking over each other's shoulders too much. If you really feel like you're doing things wrong and that there must be a better method, that's one thing. If you frequently lose your temper when you don't think you should have, or if you look into an empty cookie jar and worry about your child's diet, then there are probably methods you could learn that will help your family. But if you're satisfied with your child's cookie consumption until you meet someone whose child eats nothing but vegetables and whole grains, then you can feel free to continue with the cookies. Kudos to that other parent with her other dietary habits. Kudos to you, too, for doing well enough.
And all those sociological studies that say that kids do better with this much freedom and that much structure, or all those product studies that warn you against items that contain lead, BPA, or cadmium... it's a good idea to keep half an eye open for what they tell you. Look for consistencies in those studies rather than amazing breakthroughs. Use some common sense. Don't fret over advice that's too far removed from your experience.
But don't criticize the other person over it, if you can help it. Maybe the other idea does work, in someone else's family, with someone else's kids.
There are acts that are always bad, no matter who commits them. But if it's a matter of degrees, if it's just this percentage of kids thriving better than that percentage of kids, let it go.
I love the fact that my upbringing was different from my son's. And that there are positives and plusses to both child-rearing styles. And that the differences are all just nuance. If you look at the various ways children have been raised around the world and throughout history, the differences we bicker about are hardly different at all.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Working mom, SAH mom, and me
When it comes to the stay-at-home moms criticizing the working moms for working, and the working moms criticizing the stay-at-home moms for not working, I'm beyond criticism. I have the best of both worlds. I work from home.
In fact, I'm doing it right now. While my husband and son are at a friend's cookout and playing in the sprinklers.
Go me. Wooooot.
That's life, though. You say you'll get it all done during naptime, but of course you don't. You're too tired. You're also too tired after bedtime. You also can't give your work your full attention like you can at the office, knowing that the day care provider will handle it all - if the kid wakes up crying, you're the one who has to drop everything (remember to hit 'save'!) and tend to him.
So you work when you can. On holidays, for instance.
AwesomeCloud is being enriched right now, eating cookout food with Daddy and playing with our friends' kids. I'm not too upset at being unable to join them. But maybe one quick run through the sprinkler, and a dish of fruit salad, would be nice.
I have a bag of cherries and some leftover steak tips and some ice cream. I'll get by.
As a side note, maybe those working moms and stay-at-home moms should stop surfing the internet looking for opportunities to criticize each other and... I don't know... there must be something else they can do with their time. Go to a nice cookout, maybe.
In fact, I'm doing it right now. While my husband and son are at a friend's cookout and playing in the sprinklers.
Go me. Wooooot.
That's life, though. You say you'll get it all done during naptime, but of course you don't. You're too tired. You're also too tired after bedtime. You also can't give your work your full attention like you can at the office, knowing that the day care provider will handle it all - if the kid wakes up crying, you're the one who has to drop everything (remember to hit 'save'!) and tend to him.
So you work when you can. On holidays, for instance.
AwesomeCloud is being enriched right now, eating cookout food with Daddy and playing with our friends' kids. I'm not too upset at being unable to join them. But maybe one quick run through the sprinkler, and a dish of fruit salad, would be nice.
I have a bag of cherries and some leftover steak tips and some ice cream. I'll get by.
As a side note, maybe those working moms and stay-at-home moms should stop surfing the internet looking for opportunities to criticize each other and... I don't know... there must be something else they can do with their time. Go to a nice cookout, maybe.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Wampanoag Powwow
Yesterday we went to the Wampanoag powwow. I've said on this blog before that we wanted to give AwesomeCloud a greater awareness of culture and ethnicity than just Chinese/White American. Plus, he really likes drums. (Unfortunately, while we could hear drums, we never caught a good view of the drummers playing them.)And there was dancing in traditional regalia (NOT costumes!!!) and handmade crafts and ethnic food. They managed to avoid having any silly concessions such as "Indian pizza" although some booths were selling linguica, hot dogs, and French fries. And I'm not sure the stuffed quahogs were an authentic Wampanoag recipe. But Rick said they were delicious.
The children danced first, acting out the Wampanoag creation story. Then all the dancers came out in a grand procession. There were troupes from Toronto, the Andes, Arizona, and more.
AwesomeCloud enjoyed himself immensely. He even tried the two-step dance, although his enthusiasm was greater than his accuracy. It was also very hot, sitting in the direct sunlight in 80 degrees for hours and hours, so at times he was more obsessed with stealing my drink than with the dances. (He had his own drink. Tossing his sippy cup aside and stealing my drink is common behavior for him, and he did drink his own drink quite a bit, too.)
Some other kids came and joined us at the end, and the little boy taught AwesomeCloud how to drum along to the music by tapping the rope with a stick.
As we were leaving, we were already talking about coming back next year. I think that would be good for Cloud's education. The Wampanoag cover many ethnicities due to assimilation and intermarrying, and some no longer look very Indian at all, but AwesomeCloud was the only one there who looked remotely Asian. But that's a good thing - the powwow shows him that white culture is not the only game in town, and that he is not the only "other."
Also, if anybody else walks up to him and says, "I hate China! Free Tibet!" he can reply, "Before you get into that, you have your own history of genocide to make amends for. And by the way, so far you've really dropped the ball there."
Or he could say, "You're a poopyface." Either one is fine.
PS: This post might sound a little flippant. I did not mean it to be so. I guess I'm a cynical person on some level, even as I learn to be culturally sensitive. The Wampanoag people are my neighbors, and I respect them greatly.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A secret climbing trick
If I sit quietly on the fire engine in the playground and leave AwesomeCloud to do as he will, he'll climb onto the fire engine all by himself.
Then, when he discovers he can do it himself, he'll stop asking for my help.
Eventually.
Likewise the couch.
I feel bad, though, because he's so short. For him to climb onto the seat of the couch is kind of like me climbing onto the top of the couch from behind it. And I'm short, too.
But I can do it, if I really try, and so can he.
Then, when he discovers he can do it himself, he'll stop asking for my help.
Eventually.
Likewise the couch.
I feel bad, though, because he's so short. For him to climb onto the seat of the couch is kind of like me climbing onto the top of the couch from behind it. And I'm short, too.
But I can do it, if I really try, and so can he.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Hearing and speech
AwesomeCloud had his hearing test, finally, after months of me not making any effort to schedule him one. He did wonderfully and his hearing is very good. I was afraid he wouldn't want to sit still and pay attention, but remarkably, he did. He had a few things working against him, though. First, the facility had a fabulous set of stairs that he wanted to go up and down and up and down and up and down. Second, we had to sit in a tiny metal box of a room, which was a real letdown after discovering those wonderful stairs. Third, after each beep he was rewarded with a glimpse of Elmo. That's not much of a reward. AwesomeCloud dislikes Elmo.
I really haven't seen any reason to acclimate him to Elmo. TV and movies don't interest him after a few minutes, and he doesn't like any stuffed animals or toys with faces on them.
Then we had speech therapy, which I'm starting to like. The speech therapist is very mellow, but she keeps Cloud moving at a very quick pace. She really makes him work. At the end she told us how impressed she was that he was so neat - he didn't strew her toys and props around at all.
It's true. He doesn't try to play with everything at once. It takes him days to cover the floor with toys - I'd have to never clean up, ever, if he were ever to succeed.
That's good for our cat Melody, who hates to find plastic toys all over her beloved living room rug.
Last night the three of us went to a library fundraising event. We were asked to come onstage and talk about why we love the library. Cloud was soooo good onstage. He just sat perched on Daddy's side and gazed cutely at all the wealthy people looking up at him.
The O'ville library conundrum is a sad one. In a town this rich, the library shouldn't have to struggle like this. There's a lot of story behind it, a lot of drama and sabotage and just generally people being unhelpful. There are not a lot of ordinary people like ourselves who appreciate the opportunity to borrow books and movies for two weeks and then return them and get more. I hope seeing Cloud's cute, wide-eyed face softened people's hearts and made them want to donate more.
Some people have said it was a mistake for Barnstable to have several small village libraries and we should have just built one giant one like Mashpee. I can see their point. But we didn't.
I can always just go to Mashpee. I can reserve the books online - they're all the same books. But that's not the point.
I really haven't seen any reason to acclimate him to Elmo. TV and movies don't interest him after a few minutes, and he doesn't like any stuffed animals or toys with faces on them.
Then we had speech therapy, which I'm starting to like. The speech therapist is very mellow, but she keeps Cloud moving at a very quick pace. She really makes him work. At the end she told us how impressed she was that he was so neat - he didn't strew her toys and props around at all.
It's true. He doesn't try to play with everything at once. It takes him days to cover the floor with toys - I'd have to never clean up, ever, if he were ever to succeed.
That's good for our cat Melody, who hates to find plastic toys all over her beloved living room rug.
Last night the three of us went to a library fundraising event. We were asked to come onstage and talk about why we love the library. Cloud was soooo good onstage. He just sat perched on Daddy's side and gazed cutely at all the wealthy people looking up at him.
The O'ville library conundrum is a sad one. In a town this rich, the library shouldn't have to struggle like this. There's a lot of story behind it, a lot of drama and sabotage and just generally people being unhelpful. There are not a lot of ordinary people like ourselves who appreciate the opportunity to borrow books and movies for two weeks and then return them and get more. I hope seeing Cloud's cute, wide-eyed face softened people's hearts and made them want to donate more.
Some people have said it was a mistake for Barnstable to have several small village libraries and we should have just built one giant one like Mashpee. I can see their point. But we didn't.
I can always just go to Mashpee. I can reserve the books online - they're all the same books. But that's not the point.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I have fun without the kid/the kid has fun without me
I just got back from my vacation in the White Mountains all alone (plus my old friend Jen). It was niiiiiice. It was... well, mostly nice. It was nice but with a lot of rain, and with poorly matched expectations and sleep schedules. It was a five-hour drive to get there, through Boston, and a five-hour drive back, also through Boston. But I finally managed to hike in the woods early this morning (without Jen) and I got a lot of drawing done.
The Boyz weren't home when I got in, so I called my husband's cell phone and left a message saying I'm home.
He calls back. "I'm on a boat," he announces."
"Oh," I say. "Is AwesomeCloud also on a boat?"
"Yes," says my husband. "We're having a great time. We're coming back from Martha's Vineyard."
Ohhhh. My two-year-old son has now been to Martha's Vineyard and I haven't. (It's true - I've lived here for 5 years and have still never been to Martha's Vineyard.)
I took pictures during my trip, but they're all bad. I mean all of them. At one point I was playing with the camera's manual settings, and then I sort of forgot I'd done that. At another point, I attempted to chase a fox whom I'd narrowly missed photographing, hoping for another chance. Haha, not likely. Those things are fast. I was... haha... outfoxed.
The Boyz weren't home when I got in, so I called my husband's cell phone and left a message saying I'm home.
He calls back. "I'm on a boat," he announces."
"Oh," I say. "Is AwesomeCloud also on a boat?"
"Yes," says my husband. "We're having a great time. We're coming back from Martha's Vineyard."
Ohhhh. My two-year-old son has now been to Martha's Vineyard and I haven't. (It's true - I've lived here for 5 years and have still never been to Martha's Vineyard.)
I took pictures during my trip, but they're all bad. I mean all of them. At one point I was playing with the camera's manual settings, and then I sort of forgot I'd done that. At another point, I attempted to chase a fox whom I'd narrowly missed photographing, hoping for another chance. Haha, not likely. Those things are fast. I was... haha... outfoxed.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My son doesn't need to be on a leash
It's been awhile since I posted about AwesomeCloud's growth and development. He has done some new things lately, though. For instance:
*He learned how to throw two balls at once.
*His street safety skills and traffic awareness are improving dramatically. He actually stops at the end of the driveway and... what he does next varies, but he's beginning to understand that the huge cars and trucks racing by are relevant to what his next move should be. (I think he's too enthusiastic about practicing this skill - we keep having to call him back from the end of the driveway or from the occasional parking lot.)
*He comes when called. This is awesome. Like, all I have to do is shout his name once and he comes right back. (I think I astonished one of the moms at playgroup with this. She saw him dashing toward the parking lot and ran to grab him. I didn't even bother to get up from my chair - I just shouted once and he came right to me. She looked rather surprised.)
*Today we went to a Father's Day cookout at Grampa's house and Daddy took him into a pool for the first time. He was not enthusiastic about being in, or above, the water, but he loved standing at the edge and throwing two balls in at the same time, and then having Daddy or cousins throw them back out at him.
*He's actually developing culinary preferences. Amazing! He finally dares to reject foods based on their taste rather than their texture.
*Unfortunately, he no longer eats sweet potatoes. But he adores fries and potato chips. Mama is not happy with this.
*He has learned how to dig weeds. (Well, he can dig. Weeds, not so much.)
*He can mow the lawn with me. In fact, sometimes he begs to mow the lawn with me. This puzzles me, as our lawn-mowing efforts usually end with him getting bumped aside and then crying when I try to turn a corner. Or he walks into a tree.)
*He has finally figured out drinking straws. And there was much rejoicing. (Yaaaaaay!)
*He still can't talk, but his facsimile of speech improves by the day. Between "doo," "gah," "dah," and "guh," and all the gesturing, he probably has upwards of 100 distinct communication units.
*He sings. A lot.
*Today he learned to put candles on a cake. He also put the leftover candles back in the candle box.
*He will make an effort to stop crying and smile for the camera if asked to.
*He understands hot food and will approach his food with caution if I warn him ahead of time. When he's not sure, he tests his food with his fingers. He will sometimes blow on his food.
*He has discovered ice cubes and asks me to put some in his sippy cup.
*When there are other drinking vessels available, he will choose them over the sippy cup, and his ability to drink out of an open glass or a travel mug is improving.
*He can't jump yet, but he jumps anyway. A lot. Maybe by next week, his feet will finally leave the ground.
*He can't count to ten yet, but he does anyway.
*He showed concern when Riley walked outside with us. Riley was previously an indoor cat, but this week we gave her a dose of Frontline and began letting her out into the yard. I think it's an improvement. She's very restless by nature, and she's been doing things that cats do when they're unhappily stuck indoors. I feel bad for the birds in the yard, but she hasn't caught anything yet, so maybe she's not a hunting cat. Anyway, it was interesting to see Cloud show concern that Riley had 'escaped'. I assured him it was okay, and he let the matter drop.
(One of the alternatives we were facing was to treat Riley's hyperthyroid with radioactive iodine, which is very expensive and requires quarantine and boarding. As my husband pointed out, "Thousands of dollars spent on a cat? When last week we'd been talking about just letting her outside? I don't think so." So we nixed the iodine treatment and went with the lifestyle change.)
My son is turning into a person now. It's amazing. Spending time with him is like real social time. The conversations are even almost not one-sided. When he learns to talk, it'll be even better. And then someday he'll learn to talk in sentences, and bring this whole social interaction thing to a whole new level.
What a difference this is from eight months ago, when sitting quietly or sitting and crying were practically the only things he could do.
*He learned how to throw two balls at once.
*His street safety skills and traffic awareness are improving dramatically. He actually stops at the end of the driveway and... what he does next varies, but he's beginning to understand that the huge cars and trucks racing by are relevant to what his next move should be. (I think he's too enthusiastic about practicing this skill - we keep having to call him back from the end of the driveway or from the occasional parking lot.)
*He comes when called. This is awesome. Like, all I have to do is shout his name once and he comes right back. (I think I astonished one of the moms at playgroup with this. She saw him dashing toward the parking lot and ran to grab him. I didn't even bother to get up from my chair - I just shouted once and he came right to me. She looked rather surprised.)
*Today we went to a Father's Day cookout at Grampa's house and Daddy took him into a pool for the first time. He was not enthusiastic about being in, or above, the water, but he loved standing at the edge and throwing two balls in at the same time, and then having Daddy or cousins throw them back out at him.
*He's actually developing culinary preferences. Amazing! He finally dares to reject foods based on their taste rather than their texture.
*Unfortunately, he no longer eats sweet potatoes. But he adores fries and potato chips. Mama is not happy with this.
*He has learned how to dig weeds. (Well, he can dig. Weeds, not so much.)
*He can mow the lawn with me. In fact, sometimes he begs to mow the lawn with me. This puzzles me, as our lawn-mowing efforts usually end with him getting bumped aside and then crying when I try to turn a corner. Or he walks into a tree.)
*He has finally figured out drinking straws. And there was much rejoicing. (Yaaaaaay!)
*He still can't talk, but his facsimile of speech improves by the day. Between "doo," "gah," "dah," and "guh," and all the gesturing, he probably has upwards of 100 distinct communication units.
*He sings. A lot.
*Today he learned to put candles on a cake. He also put the leftover candles back in the candle box.
*He will make an effort to stop crying and smile for the camera if asked to.
*He understands hot food and will approach his food with caution if I warn him ahead of time. When he's not sure, he tests his food with his fingers. He will sometimes blow on his food.
*He has discovered ice cubes and asks me to put some in his sippy cup.
*When there are other drinking vessels available, he will choose them over the sippy cup, and his ability to drink out of an open glass or a travel mug is improving.
*He can't jump yet, but he jumps anyway. A lot. Maybe by next week, his feet will finally leave the ground.
*He can't count to ten yet, but he does anyway.
*He showed concern when Riley walked outside with us. Riley was previously an indoor cat, but this week we gave her a dose of Frontline and began letting her out into the yard. I think it's an improvement. She's very restless by nature, and she's been doing things that cats do when they're unhappily stuck indoors. I feel bad for the birds in the yard, but she hasn't caught anything yet, so maybe she's not a hunting cat. Anyway, it was interesting to see Cloud show concern that Riley had 'escaped'. I assured him it was okay, and he let the matter drop.
(One of the alternatives we were facing was to treat Riley's hyperthyroid with radioactive iodine, which is very expensive and requires quarantine and boarding. As my husband pointed out, "Thousands of dollars spent on a cat? When last week we'd been talking about just letting her outside? I don't think so." So we nixed the iodine treatment and went with the lifestyle change.)
My son is turning into a person now. It's amazing. Spending time with him is like real social time. The conversations are even almost not one-sided. When he learns to talk, it'll be even better. And then someday he'll learn to talk in sentences, and bring this whole social interaction thing to a whole new level.
What a difference this is from eight months ago, when sitting quietly or sitting and crying were practically the only things he could do.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The long-term adoption plan, revisited
New info on the state of China adoption. New decisions.
I just talked to a different woman, from the other agency. (Sorry I'm being so vague - I have two agencies that work together, and I know some people reading this also use these agencies and would be perfectly cool with me actually naming the agencies when I write about them. But this is a publicly accessible blog, so forgive me for being extra cautious about throwing names around.)
Anyway, I talked to N. at the other agency, and she's deeply involved with the state of China adoption. She's one of the people who goes to China, speaks a little Mandarin, makes friends and connections, and does the legwork to make international adoption possible.
She said that there aren't enough families signed up for special needs. This is a problem.
The agent I spoke to last week put a positive spin on it. "There are so many children available! Your opportunities right now are very good!"
This other agent put it more frankly: "The list of children is growing, but we don't have enough families to match them in a timely manner. If China feels we are unable to keep up our end of the process, they may reduce the number of agencies they're willing to work with, or close the special needs program altogether."
We already know they're working hard to close NSN. China would like to end international adoption altogether, but the belief was that they wouldn't be able to end SN because they didn't have the resources, or the adoptive families in-country, to take care of the SN children without allowing families from other countries to adopt them.
But if China decides to end SN adoption prematurely, it won't be unprecedented. Nations close themselves to international adoption all the time. Two years ago, Guatemala, Vietnam, and Colombia all closed in rapid succession, cutting adoption opportunities significantly and causing a mad scramble for many families to switch countries. None of those countries made the decision because they were suddenly able to finance their own social services systems. They did it because of scandals.
Now Russia is essentially closed, too, and Kazakhstan is making closing noises for similar reasons not related to whether they can afford to take care of the children internally.
In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, N. did not think it was a good idea for us to sign up now and then drag our feet for four years.
For one, sure, then they'd have another family on their list, but China doesn't care how many families are waiting. They only care how many children are adopted. (And how well each adoption goes. They do watch us to make sure each adoption is successful.) So we wouldn't be an asset to the agency in any way just by having our name in.
For another thing, if the agency is forced to close, then we'd be left in the lurch. We could switch agencies, but we wouldn't get our money back and we probably would lose our access to China. Because if this agency can't sign up enough families to stay in business, then a bunch of other agencies will probably find themselves in the same boat.
Ironic, isn't it? Usually you hear that there are too many families and not enough children.
The problem is that this is Special Needs, and Special Needs is scary. If you feel confident enough to purposely sign up to adopt a Special Needs child, your opportunities abound. DSS would love you, and adopting from them is free! No travel! There may be lawyer fees, and original family members, and you can't move out of state without legal implications.
That last bit is what makes us cautious of DSS. Not being able to move out of state... that's severely limiting. Those other things are concerns, too. And we like China. We want our children to share the same heritage.
Nothing is a guarantee. If we sign up now, we can't really hang back, and if we try to hang back, we may lose out.
If we wait and see, China may close its programs, but at least we'll have lost nothing.
If we sign up now and adopt within a year, it will be too early for us and we may feel overwhelmed. I at least want AwesomeCloud to be in school. Otherwise, the child we adopt may be his 'twin', or even be older.
I asked N. about the possibility of signing up for NSN, which would allow us to wait a few years, and then switching to SN when we were ready. She said, "That might work, but it actually doesn't solve anything. And there are very few agencies left who will take you."
And it sounds complicated, and underhanded.
What we really need is for a bunch of families who are ready NOW to sign up for SN children, and to be matched, and for the adoptions to go well. That will convince China to keep the program open for a little longer. Four years longer? One can hope.
I just talked to a different woman, from the other agency. (Sorry I'm being so vague - I have two agencies that work together, and I know some people reading this also use these agencies and would be perfectly cool with me actually naming the agencies when I write about them. But this is a publicly accessible blog, so forgive me for being extra cautious about throwing names around.)
Anyway, I talked to N. at the other agency, and she's deeply involved with the state of China adoption. She's one of the people who goes to China, speaks a little Mandarin, makes friends and connections, and does the legwork to make international adoption possible.
She said that there aren't enough families signed up for special needs. This is a problem.
The agent I spoke to last week put a positive spin on it. "There are so many children available! Your opportunities right now are very good!"
This other agent put it more frankly: "The list of children is growing, but we don't have enough families to match them in a timely manner. If China feels we are unable to keep up our end of the process, they may reduce the number of agencies they're willing to work with, or close the special needs program altogether."
We already know they're working hard to close NSN. China would like to end international adoption altogether, but the belief was that they wouldn't be able to end SN because they didn't have the resources, or the adoptive families in-country, to take care of the SN children without allowing families from other countries to adopt them.
But if China decides to end SN adoption prematurely, it won't be unprecedented. Nations close themselves to international adoption all the time. Two years ago, Guatemala, Vietnam, and Colombia all closed in rapid succession, cutting adoption opportunities significantly and causing a mad scramble for many families to switch countries. None of those countries made the decision because they were suddenly able to finance their own social services systems. They did it because of scandals.
Now Russia is essentially closed, too, and Kazakhstan is making closing noises for similar reasons not related to whether they can afford to take care of the children internally.
In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, N. did not think it was a good idea for us to sign up now and then drag our feet for four years.
For one, sure, then they'd have another family on their list, but China doesn't care how many families are waiting. They only care how many children are adopted. (And how well each adoption goes. They do watch us to make sure each adoption is successful.) So we wouldn't be an asset to the agency in any way just by having our name in.
For another thing, if the agency is forced to close, then we'd be left in the lurch. We could switch agencies, but we wouldn't get our money back and we probably would lose our access to China. Because if this agency can't sign up enough families to stay in business, then a bunch of other agencies will probably find themselves in the same boat.
Ironic, isn't it? Usually you hear that there are too many families and not enough children.
The problem is that this is Special Needs, and Special Needs is scary. If you feel confident enough to purposely sign up to adopt a Special Needs child, your opportunities abound. DSS would love you, and adopting from them is free! No travel! There may be lawyer fees, and original family members, and you can't move out of state without legal implications.
That last bit is what makes us cautious of DSS. Not being able to move out of state... that's severely limiting. Those other things are concerns, too. And we like China. We want our children to share the same heritage.
Nothing is a guarantee. If we sign up now, we can't really hang back, and if we try to hang back, we may lose out.
If we wait and see, China may close its programs, but at least we'll have lost nothing.
If we sign up now and adopt within a year, it will be too early for us and we may feel overwhelmed. I at least want AwesomeCloud to be in school. Otherwise, the child we adopt may be his 'twin', or even be older.
I asked N. about the possibility of signing up for NSN, which would allow us to wait a few years, and then switching to SN when we were ready. She said, "That might work, but it actually doesn't solve anything. And there are very few agencies left who will take you."
And it sounds complicated, and underhanded.
What we really need is for a bunch of families who are ready NOW to sign up for SN children, and to be matched, and for the adoptions to go well. That will convince China to keep the program open for a little longer. Four years longer? One can hope.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
An amazing sight at the butterfly garden
I saw this amazing fellow today. It is a Virginia ctenucha moth. Seeing him makes volunteering at the butterfly garden totally worth it.
Alas, I didn't take this picture. I didn't even have the camera with me. This picture came from Cirrus Images.
I really do need to start keeping the camera with me. I also saw painted ladies and pearl crescents, two species of orange butterflies, and a solid white butterfly that I failed to identify. The flowers are abloom and the butterflies are aflutter.
Monday, June 14, 2010
What do I think about China?
I called the adoption agency today. My agent was busy, but I talked to one of the other staff members for a while.
"I wanted to ask you," she said, "what do you think about China?"
"What part of China? The politics, its general existence, adopting again?"
"Adopting again," she clarified. I'm only sharing this part of the conversation because I thought it was cute, in a charmingly absurd manner. As it turned out, adopting again was exactly what I'd called to talk about. I won't transcribe the rest of the conversation here. It was long and rambling with lots of false starts, tangents, and personal information.
But it was a worthwhile conversation. We didn't have any groundbreaking revelations, but it helped to discuss my pros and cons with someone with her own life story apart from mine, and for her to compare my thoughts with her experiences and her knowledge of the adoption system.
One of my primary concerns came up: timing. It was quite a while before I made it clear that once we sign up, we want to wait awhile before adopting an actual child. She was looking at the waiting children available NOW, saying it's a good time to sign up because the opportunities are good NOW. If we wanted, we could do what we did last time and scramble to get a dossier done in record time for a known child.
That's what the agency expects, and that's what it defaults to. The ladies have one browser window open to the Waiting Children list at all times (metaphorically), because that's how they operate. They don't think, "How do I best meet this family's needs?" They think, "What can I do for this child? Which of my family clients would be the best match?"
And that's how it should be. But that would also mean that our names would come up again and again in the next few years, and we'd have to respond each time with, "We're not ready yet."
But then we'd fall in love with one of the children in spite of ourselves, because they're children after all, and we'd say yes. Once we say yes, we'd have to rush to complete the paperwork, because once you know who your son or daughter will be, you have to rush. You HAVE to.
Then we'd be in China, with a 3-year-old AwesomeCloud instead of a 6-year-old AwesomeCloud, and then AwesomeCloud would have a sibling, and there goes all that waiting you'd been planning on doing.
But now is a good time to sign up. The agency is accepting new families, because the list of waiting children is long. In five years, three years, even one year this may change, and we may learn that right now we have a wonderful window of opportunity.
I think a lot of things about China. I love China. I admit I'm a sinophile, in perhaps a limited context. I want to go back and spend some serious time there, someday. I have romantic dreams and fantasies about our future with China and with another child born there. But I'm not in a hurry. I have a toddler. I love having him, just him... our happy family of three.
This whole "sign up and wait" idea... it sounds good for us, but I don't know if it's even possible.
It's still less of a risk than "wait and then try to sign up."
Maybe.
The woman at the agency then asked me if we wanted a boy or a girl. I struggled with the answer, giving her a long, complex, and extremely indecisive response. I always struggle with that question. It's not a fair question. When I'm not thinking about it, I know the answer, but then when you put me on the spot I totally lose focus.
It should be a simple question. Humans only come in two genders.
But that may end up being another problem. As we learned the last time, if you're not giving an outright and vehement "No" to boys, the phone starts ringing.
He's an absolute doll, and he'd be perfect for you. I'm sure of it. C'mon, just say yes. We'll put a rush on your paperwork and you'll have him home by August.
I love having my one little Cloud.
Aaaargh!!!
"I wanted to ask you," she said, "what do you think about China?"
"What part of China? The politics, its general existence, adopting again?"
"Adopting again," she clarified. I'm only sharing this part of the conversation because I thought it was cute, in a charmingly absurd manner. As it turned out, adopting again was exactly what I'd called to talk about. I won't transcribe the rest of the conversation here. It was long and rambling with lots of false starts, tangents, and personal information.
But it was a worthwhile conversation. We didn't have any groundbreaking revelations, but it helped to discuss my pros and cons with someone with her own life story apart from mine, and for her to compare my thoughts with her experiences and her knowledge of the adoption system.
One of my primary concerns came up: timing. It was quite a while before I made it clear that once we sign up, we want to wait awhile before adopting an actual child. She was looking at the waiting children available NOW, saying it's a good time to sign up because the opportunities are good NOW. If we wanted, we could do what we did last time and scramble to get a dossier done in record time for a known child.
That's what the agency expects, and that's what it defaults to. The ladies have one browser window open to the Waiting Children list at all times (metaphorically), because that's how they operate. They don't think, "How do I best meet this family's needs?" They think, "What can I do for this child? Which of my family clients would be the best match?"
And that's how it should be. But that would also mean that our names would come up again and again in the next few years, and we'd have to respond each time with, "We're not ready yet."
But then we'd fall in love with one of the children in spite of ourselves, because they're children after all, and we'd say yes. Once we say yes, we'd have to rush to complete the paperwork, because once you know who your son or daughter will be, you have to rush. You HAVE to.
Then we'd be in China, with a 3-year-old AwesomeCloud instead of a 6-year-old AwesomeCloud, and then AwesomeCloud would have a sibling, and there goes all that waiting you'd been planning on doing.
But now is a good time to sign up. The agency is accepting new families, because the list of waiting children is long. In five years, three years, even one year this may change, and we may learn that right now we have a wonderful window of opportunity.
I think a lot of things about China. I love China. I admit I'm a sinophile, in perhaps a limited context. I want to go back and spend some serious time there, someday. I have romantic dreams and fantasies about our future with China and with another child born there. But I'm not in a hurry. I have a toddler. I love having him, just him... our happy family of three.
This whole "sign up and wait" idea... it sounds good for us, but I don't know if it's even possible.
It's still less of a risk than "wait and then try to sign up."
Maybe.
The woman at the agency then asked me if we wanted a boy or a girl. I struggled with the answer, giving her a long, complex, and extremely indecisive response. I always struggle with that question. It's not a fair question. When I'm not thinking about it, I know the answer, but then when you put me on the spot I totally lose focus.
It should be a simple question. Humans only come in two genders.
But that may end up being another problem. As we learned the last time, if you're not giving an outright and vehement "No" to boys, the phone starts ringing.
He's an absolute doll, and he'd be perfect for you. I'm sure of it. C'mon, just say yes. We'll put a rush on your paperwork and you'll have him home by August.
I love having my one little Cloud.
Aaaargh!!!
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